Saturday, February 27, 2010

Waggafish: A psychological Profile

  • Retains the finest details from every experience.
  • Even in the laboratory breeding tanks, its solitary, mercenary nature is evident.
  • When cornered, excited, enraged, aroused or hungry, will emit a low, guttural, extended moan.
  • Maintains a pathological hatred of fishermen.
  • Has been known to torture water hens by repeatedly dragging them underwater until their cobs turn blue.
  • Can do tricks with bones.
  • Will attempt to murder anything green.
  • Swims into a rage at the vaguest scent of zest and will die from prolonged exposure to it.
  • Has full-colour and infra-red vision.
  • Does not have a liability to panic.
  • When held to the light, scales of the oldest Waggafish reveal a complex network of Australia’s inland waterways.
  • Will return to the scene of a kill many years later, having travelled thousands of miles through major rivers, bays, harbours, creeks and minor tributaries. Will wait for floods to create connecting passages. Once at the scene, will call and often ritually harm itself on submerged branches or lost fishing hooks.
  • Regurgitates seagulls as a red, feathered sludge.
  • Has rows of serrated teeth which replace each other immediately after being lost or broken.
  • Can merge perfectly with cloud and willow-shadow.
  • Has an ability to out-stare sharks.
  • Tracks down manta-rays and snaps off their caudal appendage, which it then carries for days. These can sometimes be seen off Rowley Shoals - black aerials cutting through the sea away from the aimless black cape of a wounded ray. 

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